If only things were a little bit better.

I dunno if I should blog or not, because most likely I'll just start blabbering about how lousy I've been feeling these few days and bore you readers to death or stg. Rah, sometimes Im really confused about what exactly is making me feel so upset all the time. I feel guilty for going out late because my dad said I've been gg out too much which explains my horrible block test results. Yet I feel stupid, lonely and frustrated when I stay at home. I feel like Im always stuck in some kind of dilemma and in the end just shuts myself away from the rest of the world. It makes me sick all the time.

And I really hate weekends for some reason. I know it's the only time when I'll actually get to sit down and get things down, but that's usually not the case. I miss my friends and company cus it makes me feel annoyed to face my parents for more than half a day. I always want to go out but doesn't get myself to in the end because Im afraid of not getting things done, but at the end of the day I still don't finish much even if I stayed at home.

And now Im contemplating about tmr's post ambience party, cus I haven got anything much done today and tmr's sunday alr.

But sometimes I don't even know why Im so busy even without huge commitments anywhere. Not like Im much involved in Capriccio prep other than practising cus im freaking hell not in the exco so I dun have to bother bout anything else. Nor am I really involved in amb alumni. Yea, and my dad's really against the alumni band thingy cus he feels like Im wasting my time there and that im just being kaypoh by going back. So I cant get myself very involved as well. So I dun what the hell is my freaking problem here.

I feel really stupid and inferior.

I had a convo with my sister that day.

Sis: I dun understand, others are teachers, Im also a teacher, why do I work so hard until I can hardly breathe while the rest just go home shake leg enjoy life.
Me: Ya, people study I also study, people get all As for blocks I get all S and Us.
Sis: Yah, I think we're just plain stupid.
Me: Yes, we were born stupid yet we want to achieve something in life. So we just stupidly work so so so hard while others enjoy life. If we were clever enough we'll just admit that we're stupid and happy happy go zi bei.

And my sister agrees.

Sigh.

19:21 ·